


Lilac

by iisaax



Series: Inflorescence [9]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ficlet, First Meetings, Genderfluid Character, Jewish Bucky Barnes, M/M, Meet-Cute, Other, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 11:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15706497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iisaax/pseuds/iisaax
Summary: Steve had been knocked on the ground. He jumped back up, and tackled into one of the bully’s chests.The boy who had been watching them for a while stood and started walking up.-li·lac/ˈlī-ˌläk, -ˌlak, -lək/1. a widely cultivated European shrub of the olive family2. represents youthful innocence; first emotion of love





	Lilac

**Author's Note:**

> I knowww I said the fluff would be back, but I have something bittersweet first. Just a quick little something while I work on another multi-chapter piece. Enjoy!
> 
> Note: I use he/him pronouns for Buck in the majority of this fic. This is because Steve doesn’t know yet how they identify. All misgendering is temporary. Thanks.
> 
> Content warning: brief mentions of blood

Steve had been knocked on the ground. He jumped back up, and tackled into one of the bully’s chests. 

The boy who had been watching them for a while stood and started walking up. 

The boy made his way across the yard, tightening the cap on his head, then shoved his way inside the group, placing a hand on one of the bully’s shoulders to turn him around. He socked him on the jaw, stepping aside to elbow the other’s. Steve started to feel like more of a distraction than a threat.

After a few minutes of tussling, the bullies seemed to realize they were evenly matched, and stepped back.

“And stay away!” the boy called as they slunk back to wherever they came from, spitting some watery blood out of his mouth. One of those assholes had split his lip. He sniffed, and helped Steve up.

“I could have handled them myself, you know,” Steve spit out some blood of his own. “I don’t need your help.”

“ _Thank you_ Bucky,” the boy replied, mockingly. “What would I do _without you_ , Bucky.”

Steve brushed off his pants. He rolled his eyes then held out a hand. “Steve. Steve Rogers.”

The boy smiled, taking it, and his teeth were crimson. “James Barnes. But call me Bucky.”

“I figured out that much,” Steve wiped his nose, which was still running red. “Got a handkerchief?”

Bucky shook one out and handed it over. 

“Thanks,” Steve blotted at his nose, getting blood all over the fabric. “For… You know… Everythin’, I guess.”

“No problem.” Steve tried to hand back the cloth, but Bucky waved him off. “Keep it.” The two walked over to where Bucky was originally sitting, under an old gnarled tree. Bucky sat down, and opened a book that had been set off to the side.

Steve hunkered down, uninvited, and asked, “Is that ‘The Secret Garden?’”

Bucky blushed, hiding his book against his chest. “No.”

“I can still see the cover,” Steve pointed out, leaning against the tree. “Besides, I like that book.”

Bucky squinted suspiciously, but lowered his book, smoothing out the pages. 

Steve looked up at the branches, watching as a leaf fell. “I’ve always kinda wished I could find a secret garden of my own. Fix my spine. And my lungs. And my heart.”

Bucky looked up and watched the leaf, too. He didn’t say anything, probably feeling bad.

“Sorry,” Steve said eventually. “S’kinda a downer.”

“Naw, it’s fine. I’m sorry.”

“Ugh. Don’t be.” Steve picked up the leaf where it landed in front of them. He twisted it between his fingers. “I don’t want your pity.”

“Okay,” Bucky grinned. “I take it back.”

“Good,” Steve smiled, a weird feeling blossoming in his chest. They sat for a bit, Bucky reading, Steve eventually joining in. They ended up reading for so long, they didn’t notice the bell ring to go back inside. 

-

Steve was just putting his shirt back on, and wiping his nose, when he heard the front door open. No one besides him, his ma, and Bucky had a key, so he knew who it was. Sure enough, a little bit later, Buck called out. 

“Hello? Mrs. Rogers?”

Sarah looked up from where she was wringing out a towel and peeked her head out of the bathroom. “In here, Bucky.”

Bucky stomped through the house, saying with a slightly raised voice, “Is Steve home? I wanted to ask him how he likes high school.”

Bucky appeared outside the doorway, and upon seeing Steve waving sheepishly from his perch on the side of the washbasin, rushed over, frowning.

“You look awful! Who did this?” Bucky cried, squatting in front of him to lightly touch the large shiner on his eye. 

“It doesn’t hurt, honest,” Steve huffed.

Sarah chuckled, and shook out the towel. She handed it to Bucky, who immediately took it and started wiping the dirt from Steve’s face. “Some boys at school,” she explained, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms. “Steven here was picking fights on the first day.”

“I was not!” Steve exclaimed, then pouted. “Okay, maybe I was. But they were messing with this one girl, and I-”

Sarah lifted a hand. “Don’t want to hear it.”

“But-!”

“ _Steve_.”

He drooped. “Yes, ma.”

She turned to Bucky, smiling. “Bucky, would you like something to eat?”

“No thank you, ma’am. I already had supper at work,” he said, totally lying through his teeth.

“Nonsense,” Sarah waved a hand and headed out the door. “Come, I have some leftover bread pudding.”

Bucky perked up at that, and with a final wipe of Steve’s cheek, tossed the rag into the sink. He helped Steve stand, then childishly raced him to the kitchen. Steve rolled his eyes, but found himself grinning as he trailed behind.

“Now Bucky,” he heard his ma say from the other room. “Steve’s not always going to have you to save his backside. A day away, and he’s already getting into scuffles.”

“I know,” Bucky replied, chair scooting as he pulled one out. “I oughta teach him some moves one of these days. Show ‘em the ropes.”

Sarah laughed at that, and Steve finally entered the room, feeling a little bad for eavesdropping.

His ma seemed to know when he walked in without even turning around, and asked, “Would you like some too, Stevie?”

“Yes, please.” Steve sat down at the table.

Sarah scooped them both some dessert, humming a tune, then walked over to the table and placed two plates down. She sat next to Steve, resting her chin in her palm. 

Bucky bent his head, quickly muttering a - what was it called? - a berachah. Steve recognized a few words from when Bucky had tried again and again to teach him the prayer, but most of it was lost on him. He blessed his own food like a Good Catholic, then they tucked in. 

“Holy smokes,” Buck said through a mouthful. “This is amazing!”

Sarah smiled warmly at him. “Thank you, Bucky. Have as much as you like.”

As Steve ate his own pudding and watched Bucky rave to his ma about her cooking, he felt that weird blooming feeling again. He dismissed it and took another bite.

-

“Hey,” Steve had called as he shut the front door behind him.

“Hey,” Bucky replied, voice thick.

After hanging up his bag, Steve turned to look at him. Upon seeing his tears, he wilted. “Aw, Buck… What’s the matter?”

“Nothin’,” he scrubbed at his eyes. “It’s stupid. You don’t wanna know.”

Steve bit the inside of his cheek, but dropped it, fetching a sketchbook from his bag. 

“How was class?”

“Fine,” he replied, sitting next to him. “Wanna see what we worked on today?”

“Sure,” Bucky scooted closer, still sniffling. Steve showed him, and he nodded at all the right places, but Steve still wasn’t convinced.

“Come on, Buck,” he told him, setting his sketchbook aside. “You can tell me.”

“I’m tellin’ you, it’s stupid.”

“Oh, baloney. Come on,” he said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. Bucky shrugged it off and turned away. 

“You’re gonna think lessa me.”

“No way in Hell,” he cursed, like a Bad Catholic. “What’s botherin’ you?”

“Some,” Bucky started. “Some guys at the Y callin’ me a fairy. Caught me lookin’ at one of ‘em. _Which I wasn’t_!” he added quickly. “I dunno, it just got to me. Been goin’ on for a while.”

“Aw, Buck,” he said again. “Don’t let it get to you. Can’t call you what you’re not.”

Bucky shrugged again, sniffing. “Shouldn’t be cryin’ about it. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You cry if you want to. I’m not gonna judge you, you know that,” Steve got up and started a pot of joe. 

Buck sniffed again, still turned away. 

Steve felt that ache in his chest, but he pushed it down.

-

He pushed it down for a long while.

-

“Steve,” had then come a whisper. 

Steve opened his eyes and looked around. Was he imagining Buck’s voice? 

Then, “Hey. Steve.”

Steve turned to face his bed partner, who instead of facing away from him like they usually did, was looking right back at him. “’S the matter?” he slurred sleepily.

Bucky hid in the covers a bit. “I can’t sleep,” they admitted.

“How old are you, again?” Steve rolled his eyes, a little annoyed they woke him up. He closed his eyes, tightening the sheets around him.

“Shut up,” Bucky mumbled. “I’ve been thinkin’. Brain’s too busy to sleep.”

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Steve asked, not opening his eyes.

“Us.”

Steve opened them. “What d’you mean?” He sat up a bit, suddenly nervous. “Do you wanna stop?” He left off the rest: stop doing _whatever it was_ they were doing.

“No, no,” Buck reassured him quickly, urging him back under the blanket. “It’s not that.”

Steve hummed suspiciously, sliding back under. “What is it, then?”

“I…” Bucky started, then stopped, hiding again. They murmured something, but Steve couldn’t hear it.

“I got a bad ear, Buck,” he reminded them.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Bucky blurted.

Steve blinked. 

“And I have been for what feels like…” Bucky blew air out of their cheeks. “A _really_ long time.”

Steve blinked some more.

Bucky shrunk against the mattress. “I’m sorry. I should…” They started to untuck themselves from the bed, but Steve grabbed them and yanked them back. Bucky looked at them with a surprised expression, and Steve pulled them in for a kiss. 

He couldn’t possibly say everything he wanted to in a single kiss, but he tried.

“Me too,” he kissed them harder. “Jerk.”

Bucky inhaled something like a gasp and situated themself to a better angle. They lifted a hand to the back of Steve’s neck, like they never wanted him to leave.

They necked for a few more moments, then Steve slowly pulled back.

“How long?” Buck asked, eyes full of something like wonder.

“Since you saved me, that day on the playground,” Steve realized. “How long for you?”

“Since that day, on the playground. Wow…” Buck kissed him again. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought,” Steve kissed them back. “You already knew.”

“Punk,” they laughed, breathless. “You shoulda said somethin’. Woulda saved me a lot of heartache. I thought you’d wanna kick me out if you knew I loved you. Still love you.”

“Mm-mm.” Steve stroked a thumb over their hand. “I thought it was pretty obvious. I mean, you did kiss me first.”

Bucky shrugged, smiling. “I thought you were just puttin’ up with me.”

“Never, Buck,” Steve told them, smiling back. He brushed their knuckles some more. “I would never. I love you.”

Bucky grinned, pulling him in for another kiss. “Say it again.”

“I love you.”

Bucky hummed against him, content. “Say it again.”

“I love you. I love you so bad. I probably always will.”

Bucky settled back down onto the pillows, pulling Steve with them. They snuggled up against each other, Bucky’s head tucked under Steve’s chin. 

“Say it again,” they mumbled, eyes drifting shut.

Steve laughed quietly. He would say it a hundred times if they asked him to. He would say it every day until they died. God, he wanted to. He felt that familiar feeling, and smiled.

“ _I love you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> While writing this earlier today I thought to myself, do I write them snuggling in bed too much? Then I thought, nah. Impossible.
> 
> Also, disclaimer: I’m not Jewish, and the bits in here about religion are pretty much just Google and guesswork.
> 
> Flower meaning is from [wikipedia.org](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plant_symbolism)
> 
> Thanks for reading! :-))


End file.
